- Sweltering hot weather..
- Husband out of town..
- Pregnancy hormones..
- Lack of sleep..
- No quality time to myself..
- Screaming, cranky, disobedient children..
- Homeschool?..forget it..
Sometimes I want to SCREAM! Sometimes I lash out at my kids! Sometimes I want to run away! Sometimes I'm just D-O-N-E!
...And I've barely started homeschooling.
The last few days have been horrific. I have never yelled so much or sent my daughter to her room so much, ever! I have felt like an awful parent. I was talking to my husband on the phone, telling him I think Marley is purposely at war with me right now. I can't ask her to do anything without a battle. I ask her to sit down to eat, she says "No, I don't like that food!" I ask her to clean her room, she says "I don't want to!" I ask her to please stop bugging her little sister, she says "I'm not bugging her!" as she continues to yank on her sister's arm. Pretty much everything she knows she isn't supposed to do, she has been doing non-stop for the past two days. Yesterday, I barely managed to get the minimum school work completed that I had planned for my daughter. Today, school just didn't happen. Way too much defiance and struggles were being worked out.
I've been angry, sad, confused, tired, exhausted, and just plain helpless.
Today started out bad, but I had an epiphany that got me thinking. Trials are there for us to grow and progress. As much as I have resented the past couple days, I was bound to get some sort of wisdom out of them. I prayed for guidance and wisdom and comfort.
My prayer was answered.---
---After a significant battle with my daughter, I went into her room to talk with her about her disobedience. This is what I normally do after she has been sent to her room for a while. I discuss what she has done and why it was wrong and how she can be better next time. She normally says "I'm sorry" and " I won't do it again" and I say "Ok" and we walk out of the room together. But this time I was INSPIRED to do something out of the ordinary. After the talk was over, I looked her in the eye and said, "Marley, I forgive you" and I gave her a hug. She embraced me tightly and she began to cry fervent tears. ~She had never done that before.~ I can't even write about it without crying. I was so moved by how much those words touched her heart. We both cried and embraced for about a minute.
The rest of the day went by so smoothly, I just couldn't believe it!
I told my husband about what had occurred, and his reaction was, "Wow. That was smart. A clean slate is a powerful thing." I can't say that it was smart, because it was more of a last minute spiritual prompting. But the words "I forgive you" had been very powerful.
I found myself realizing that this is part of what homeschooling is about. One of the blessings of homeschooling is the strong family bond that results from more time together. Not always great, loving, or exciting times. Families are not naturally close and perfectly happy. A strong family relationship results from overcoming the roadblocks and obstacles that arise. The bond is created by learning about each other and working together to get through hard times.
My daughter and I had a very rough patch together, but we both got through it with a better understanding of love, respect, and forgiveness. In the end, I am grateful for the rough days and the opportunity to endure those days with my family.
"Behold, we count them happy which endure." (James 5:11)